This Beautiful Bliss

Six to Seven

When I was upset about something a few weeks ago, you quickly told me "at least it's not the end of the world, right?"  You said a few other things that surprised me, so I asked, "How come you're so wise? Where'd you learn to say that?" and you said, "From you! When I'm upset, that's what you tell me ... so now I'm telling it to you to make you feel better. Do you feel better now?" ... "I sure do...", I giggled through tears.  You are such an amazing compassionate empathic soul.

You are loved fiercely by your friends, and you have made some great ones this year.  Other kids seem to naturally gravitate towards you.  You are fun and respectful and loyal.  I couldn't be prouder, my boy.

The other day you saved a bee from drowning in the water.  Bees are one of your greatest fears.  You came inside to tell me what you had done and I could see it on your face ... pride.  You should be proud.

You love to create, you love to make believe, you love to sing, you love to dance, you love to be goofy.  I love that you love those things.

This is the first year that I've looked at your baby pictures and have had tears, wishing we could just go back for a day or two so I could be with that baby boy and remember what he was like.  You've made such leaps and bounds that it all just seems so far away.  But in the same breath, I'm also so excited for you as you grow older.  Each year that passes by, you're able to do and like so many more things.  Six was the year you finally liked ice cream (hallelujah!).  It was the year you really learned how to read.  You're so confident on your bike now and like to do crazy boy skids and ride on different types of terrain.  You have lost 8 of your baby teeth.  You can't wait to be in Grade 2.  You already know what it's like to have and create childhood memories.

You're only Six for a few more days.  Seven will be here soon.  I am celebrating all that you are now and all that you will be.

I love you my precious boy.  Keep being you ... it's workin' for ya ;-)

Observation

I was sitting in Starbucks with my boy, when I felt like someone was watching us.  I didn't turn to look, I could just feel it. 

After spilling some apple juice, I whispered to him to go get a napkin ... when I heard her voice, "Wow, are you such a great helper at home too?"  I turned to acknowledge her and she quickly added, "I have a son around the same age too."  Her eyes were so warm and understanding.  I could tell right away that she was also a single mom.

We ended-up getting to talking and sure enough, she had formerly been a single mom but was now remarried.  After chit-chatting back and forth about each of our situations, I realized how great it felt.  The simple notion of feeling completely understood and respected.  I had been missing it. 

My boy ended up not being too thrilled with the boredom of listening to two Moms chat for so long though, so he urged me to pack up so we could head home.  We exchanged our good-byes and then at that realization that we'd likely never run into each other again, she said, "I have a business card in my car if you'd like to keep in touch - maybe next time at a playground?" I was so relieved and told her I was just going to ask her the same thing.  I was sad that our conversation had come to an end before I felt like we were done so I was thrilled to get her number.  She is so much more experienced than I on a topic that is new to me: how to navigate through the complex issue of your child having 'another woman' in his life.  Yes, that time has come.  My son's Dad is in a (somewhat) serious relationship now and this is the first time I've had to deal with all that comes with it.  It's still very new, so hearing the experiences of others and feeling understood is so incredibly valuable to me.

I've realized just how important it is to have others in my life who I can completely relate to.  It is comfortable and uplifting.  And best of all, judgement-free.

These kinds of 'meetings' are nothing new - they happen exactly when I need them.

Things I know right now.

1. My Mom's sudden death messed me up.  I feel like I lost my compass before even realizing I had one.

2. Permanently leaving my job has also messed me up.  It needed to happen though.

3. I don't have a 5 year plan.

4. I don't even have a 1 week plan.

5. I feel like I've been defragging for the past 2 years. Much needed indeed.

6. You know that saying, "Let the chips fall where they may"? Yup, that pretty much describes where things are with me right now.

7. All of the above feels so incredibly foreign to me.

8. I know something big will happen ... it always does.  It always has.  Like clockwork.    I shouldn't wish it to hurry up ... but I'd kinda like to get on with it.

9. I don't know of anyone who has a similar life to mine right now.  It is one of the oddest feelings ever.